idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
