You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Will exercising make me less horny?
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