dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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