i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
