I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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