As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
