Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
