Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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