Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
