We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
