I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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