There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
