i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
