you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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