Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
