I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
