I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
