Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
