I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
