And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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