I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
