Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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