you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
