i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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