Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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