Soap is not a condiment
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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