you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
