So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
