My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
