I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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