walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
