so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
