she was so not down for the gang bang
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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