My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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