So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
