Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This house was built for laser tag.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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