he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
