so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
