Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
