So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
