So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
