I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
