the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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