I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
