"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
