She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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