I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
