I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
