I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
