Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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