My liver just broke up with me...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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