Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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