I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Alive.
So much puke
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
