i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
