my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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