I faked an abortion last night.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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