i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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