help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
